Last Night

Yesterday was a long day. Ben had some work and social plans that I am very happy he had the opportunity to attend but he the occupied him all day. And by 8pm (Lilly's bed time) I was tired. She managed to make an amazing mess before bed (think dropping a mason jar full of crayons on the tile floor) but since I had already cleaned the house earlier in the day I did this instead...

unpacked my most recent target trip

had a little wine

let curious mr. gnome check out the potting soil

listened to HP&THBP

enjoyed my time with my new friends. 

Today I am going to play with my sweet friend, Jordan, and her little baby. Last week I helped her out with some photography stuff. Hopefully I will post a bit more about that later today. 

♥

Mommyhood Monday // Yelling

Last week was not so great in the mommyhood department. Lillian has been flexing her ever growing independence muscles and my resilience has been slowly but surely wearing down. Well, on Thursday last it happened. I really lost my temper. I have been very close to losing my temper with Lillian before but it has always been at home so I can excuse myself to another room and calm down (pillow punch). But this time we were in the car. We were so close to home... here is what happened:

the calm before the storm.

We were headed home from the gym and Lillian asked (and asked and asked and asked) for some apple juice. I wanted to get some coffee also so I thought about stopping to get something. I went back and forth about whether to go to Starbucks or not. My budget conscious guilt was flaring up so I decided I could make coffee at home and that Lilly could have juice from home as well. When we were almost home (and Lilly was screaming and crying "No home! Apple juice!") I remembered that we had two redbox movies that had to be returned. I changed my plan. I could stop at home, get the redbox movies and drop them off at 7-eleven where we could go inside and get a more cost friendly frappuccino and juice box. Perfect! I got the movies, we went to 7-eleven and I opened Lilly's door to get her out. I started digging in the diaper bag first to get my wallet when it hit me. My wallet wasn't in there. I took it out yesterday for something and didn't put it back. Blerg. As you can probably imagine, Lilly didn't take to kindly to me not unstrapping her after I had promised apple juice and then closing her in the car. To make matters worse we had to drive past a chick-fil-a (another place that Lilly is used to getting juice boxes from) to get home. Lilly was throwing an almighty fit.  I wanted to get her apple juice (and myself coffee). That was the worst part. She is old enough to understand when I say "Yes, apple juice." but not "I forgot my wallet, I can't get it for you but I wish I could." After trying to calm her down and telling her that she could have some apple juice at home it happened. I slammed my clenched fist into the center console in the car and yelled "ENOUGH! NO MORE CRYING!" ugh.  She was silent for a minute then we both starting crying. I felt like a complete parental failure. 

When we got home I gave Lilly a juice box and put Barney on. I made myself some chocolate milk and had a much needed break. Thankfully Ben had the weekend off too so he spent a lot of time playing with our little love. I had lots of free time and even had some girl time which I am so grateful for. I think sometimes, as a parent (or just a person in general), we need to step back and take a break. Take a bubble bath or a nap. Have a warm cup of coffee or a cool mug of chocolate milk. And always remember this.

I am praying for a better week this week and cherishing the sweet bits in between the toddles moments. Remembering above all that He will never give me more then I can handle. 

♥

ps- Do you have a good mommyhood story or piece of advice? Email me at the.prairie.hen[at]gmail[dot]com and be featured on Mommyhood Monday.

Baby Talk V.3

Here are some of my less then favorite things Lilly has picked up:

+ "OUCH!" This is usually yelled for varying lengths of time. I blame it on the fact that she watched the "Charlie bit me" video on YouTube. 

+ "HELP!" I don't exactly know where this came from. We have taught Lilly to use the word help when she needs it but the situation has never been screaming appropriate. It used to only be used on occasions when she couldn't get her snacks open or got stuck between the couch cushions but now it is used interchangeably with no.

Here is a fun example of why I'm not feeling these new phrases. We stopped at the park the other afternoon just to have a quick stroll before headed home for the evening. Upon parking Lillian Elouise decided that she wanted to play in the car instead. When I disagreed (I mean we didn't stop at the park to play in the car!) she started screaming "NO! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUCH! HEEEELLLLLLLLLLP!" and was fighting me as I held her arm. A woman in the parking lot looked very alarmed at the sight of us. As I imagined it from her point of view I was mortified. An awful woman (me) restraining a sweet little child who was obviously being beaten and held against her will. Thankfully, Lilly piped down (because she spotted some stairs. She loves stairs.) and we went on our way without any police involvement. 

Uff-da! I thought it was supposed to get easier when they started talking. 

PS- check out v.2 and v.1 for more baby fun.

Mommyhood Monday // Father's Day

Ben is a wonderful father. I feel so blessed that he is in our lives. It brings so much joy to my heart to see he and Lilly interact together. She loves him and he loves her. 

We had a good father's day. Ben had to work in the morning so it was just the girl and I. We ate breakfast and then hit up Target for a few things (to which she cries "no carget no carget") and then went to church. Ben got home a little early (woot) and got extra play time with Lilly before her bed time. We had a slow cooked bacon wrapped pork tenderloin for dinner (drool) and gave daddy his present: a new fancy iron. I know this sounds like a strange present but my hubby loves to iron. When we got married he registered for a fancy iron which we got so then he went out and bought me a cheap iron so I wouldn't have to use his fancy one. ha. 

On a side note: I have to call Ben "daddy" all the time now when Lillian is around. She heard me call him Ben once or twice and has started to use his name instead of daddy. I think its super funny. He does not agree. 

Anyway, over the weekend I read this post from Rachel over at letters to ames and it really resonated with me. This part in particular:

"There are few skills in the domestic world that are strictly maternal.Things like birth and breastfeeding, or supersonic hearing, or mother's intuition - these are forces of nature not to be challenged. Moms were simply made for these things. But bathing a baby? Doing the dishes? Changing a diaper? Even holding a baby? These are learned skills. Someone taught us these things - maybe our mothers, or a friend, or even a labor & delivery nurse. Anyone can learn how to do these things, no matter the gender or the age or the amount of previous experience. 

My point is, we shouldn't elevate ourselves to the point of making men feel incapable of caring for their own children. I've done this without even realizing it. One time, Ames fell down in front of Chris while they were playing. I rushed over to pick up my boy and comfort him. Chris stopped me and scooped him up. He said something along the lines of, "Don't do that. Let me handle this. I am his father." So simple. He is their father. It took the two of us to create them, and it's going to take the two of us to raise them. It's become clear to me that the more I intervene and take over, the more likely I am to push my husband away. In return, I will become bitter & resentful when he doesn't help out more. This will most certainly cause a rift in our parenting relationship, and the relationships he shares with our children - a rift that might become irreparable if it grows too wide."

How incredibly true this is? I know for a fact that I do this all the time. I become to anxious/nervous that something will happen to my baby that I don't want anyone (including Ben) to take care of her. Talk about trust issues. Not only am I not trusting Ben, or who ever else is caring for Lilly, but I am not trusting God either. No matter how much I love Lillian, He will always love her more. 

The point is that your child's father is just that, their father! They love them as much as you do and care about their safety as much as you do. Let's give dad some credit. *points finger at self*

Did you have a good father's day?

♥

The End of the Road

Here we are at my final (phew) doctors appointment after the saga that has been the last month. Ha! Talk about total dorks. We were both sneakily taking pictures of and  then sending them to one another. I thought I'd just give a little wrap up to cap the whole thing off.

According to my doctor I am a'ok. My tiny incisions have healed nicely, I am feeling pretty much 100% (today was an exceptionally good day) and things can go back to normal now. Apparently even though I am down to only one Fallopian tube my chances of getting pregnant again have not been affected. I have been told that the other tube will simply pick up the left ovaries eggs and deliver them on schedule. Amazing how the human body works, isn't it? There is one thing that I think I should say a little more about...

I did in fact have a miscarriage. I think because of this fact most people approach me with great care expecting me to be very emotional. I was emotional at the beginning of May while I was going through the whole "will I or won't I" going to miscarry phase. That ended mid May when I was told that I had indeed miscarried. And while I grieved the loss, it was not devastating. Because I found out I was pregnant and miscarrying on the same day I never had that sense of elation that would then lead to devastation. I was also only about 5 weeks pregnant when I was told (incorrectly) that I had miscarried. If I had carried the baby for several months I'm sure the whole situation would have been much worse. But now I mostly feel gratitude. I am grateful first and foremost to still be here and also to have this whole traumatic event behind me. Sometimes I feel like I should be sad, especially when people ask me how I'm coping but I am honestly doing well. I am so thankful that God's plan is for me to be here with my family.

Lilly enjoying a meal brought to us by a friend.

I also want to say thank you to everyone who has offered kind words and condolences. I sincerely appreciate every one of you. 

♥

ps- if you have no idea what I'm talking about you can find out more here. 

pps- I just realized that I accidentally deleted my recovery outfit post! That was one of my most favorite silly things. :(