rage monster

These past few days have been rough for me. Lilly developed a little cold on Wednesday and -you know- I'm in my third trimester. It's a recipe for disaster. Wednesday was ok. Thankfully, Ben was off and shouldered the load for me. I woke up feeling unrested and achy (and emotional) so I was achy and crying most of the day. (On a side note: I don't know how you single mamas do it. God bless each and every one of you. I would lose my mind.) Thursday I woke up ready to tackle the day and feeling confident that I could deal with the ungodly creature that is a sick two year old. My patience held for the morning (we went to the park) but began to fade at nap time (or lack there of). By the time Ben came home I was feeling a little slap happy. 

And then there's today. You know how in the hulk movies Bruce Banner always says "You're making me angry! And you don't want to see me angry." That was me today. A crazy pregnant lady and a sick toddler are not a good match. I satiated the rage monster with a grande frappuccino (judge me) and have spent a lot of time praying and meditating on this bit of advice from Jordan May you see what lies ahead as obedience to the master – not a sacrifice to what you thought would be your life – for in obedience we see the beauty of who we are to truly be.

Part of the problem is that some days (like today) my ambition gets the best of me. There are so many things I want to do with my time, with this space, with my knitting, with my house and my life- but I am a mother first. I need to put my ambition aside (at least until nap time) and love my daughter the way she needs to be loved. I need to remember that when the kids are grown and I am left with an empty nest I will long for these days (right?).  

Anyway- here are some cute pictures from the park. Thanks for letting me get all that off my chest. 

ps- these gardenias smelled so amazing that I just about dug up the whole bush and brought it home. Too bad plant theft is discouraged in today's society.


very pregnant with Lilly. Photo credit: Jordan Weiland
  • obsessing over- My hair. Again. I am re-reading this post from last month (here) and I was obsessing over my hair then too. Well, I finally got around to perming it... and I don't love it. I have had several "body waves" before but this one was a little tighter the I hoped. I know I should just be patient and let the curls relax. I am just getting impatient. Pregnancy has made me even more impatient then I already am and I am just tired of feeling frumpy! Today Ben suggested that I cut it all off again and now that idea is stuck in my head. I have always had a love/hate relationship with short hair. 
  • working on- uhhh.... growing a baby? Haha. To be honest I have had a hard time getting back into the swing of things after last week's beach vacation. I did knit a few toy bodies while at the beach so I guess you could say that I am working on getting those wrapped up. 
  • thinking about- having a baby soon. Like way soon. Only 10 more week and that is if I go to 40 weeks. I started having contractions around 34 weeks with Lilly and had to restrict my activity to carry her until my cesarean at 38.5 weeks. If the same things happens this time around that could cut that 10 weeks in half! Yikes. I better get on the ball.
  • drinking- lots and lots of water. I got a little dehydrated over the weekend and that left me feeling less then great. I'm not interested in feeling that way again any time soon.
  • wishing- I had either more energy or more hours in the day. Or both. I feel constantly both tired and behind. Oh, pregnancy. 
What's going on with you right now?

(as always- this post was inspired by Dani)