VBAC VS Cesarean

I have been avoiding blogging (and thinking) about this but I'm running out of time. At my last doctor appointment I was told that I need to make a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarian) vs elective ceasarian decision. To be honest, I was surprised my doctor even gave me an option. I thought I'd have to find a specialists to allow that but I was wrong. Here is what my doctor says:
- I'm a good candidate for a VBAC since I didn't have a failed labor with Lilly. I had a scheduled c-setion because she was frank breech.
- The risk of rupture (my uterus rupturing during labor that is) is less then 1% which is good but if it does rupture the result could be devastating. Not good.

Here are some of my thoughts on a cesarean. My doctor says that my ectopic pregnancy over the summer was probably a result of scar tissue that had built up from my c-section with Lilly. So if I have another c-section will that increase the likelihood of another ectopic if we have more kids? I also have a lot of internal scaring from that was discovered during my surgery over the summer. If I have another c-section will I get a bunch more? Some positives from having another c-section is that they would be able to remove a lot of that scar tissue and (a biggie) I would be guaranteed MY doctor. The office I go to is a group practice so if I choose a VBAC I'm not guaranteed my doctor. I will just have whoever is at the hospital at the time. So my planning loving brain is not a huge fan of that.

More thoughts about a VBAC: I've always felt a strange sense of loss that I didn't get a chance to even try to give birth to Lillian. I have also never been comfortable say that I "gave birth" to her. Because I didn't. She was surgically removed. I know that I carried her and grew her in all that but I still have trouble with that one detail. Obviously, a VBAC is not major surgery so it is less of a risk for me and healing time should be less. I vividly remember how standing up for the first time after my c-section felt and I am keen to avoid that. My biggest problems are the risk of rupture and not being able to have my doctor. Less the 1% is a pretty good statistic but the fact that it would be devastating if it happened scares me. We're talking possible loss of baby and/or uterus. I'm not sure I'm ready for a hysterectomy at the age of 26. And my first thought with not being able to have my doctor was what about being induced. Well- turns out they don't do that for VBAC's. In fact they don't do any sort of alterations to labor. And that could actually be a good thing since a lot of induced labors end in c-section.

I've been spending a lot of time praying for this situation. I have had a hard time trusting God with this. Pregnancy makes me very self protective so it's hard to give that over to him. I know his plan will be best and that it is completely ridiculous to even think that I could do any of this on my own. I have until the end of January to make my decision. I plan to spend lots of time praying and trying trying trying to give this to God. I'd love to hear from you too if you have any experience with this.

Sorry if this post seems a little disjointed- that is how my brain has been working lately.

A New Christmas Tradition

Lilly LOVES my nutcrackers. She carries them all over the house, makes them talk to eachother, brushes their teeth and feeds them. In fact, they are "asleep" with her in her room as I type. She has even given them all names. They are (from left to right in the above picture) Mouse, Pirate Santa Clause, Judy and Cracker. (Hilarious, right?!?)

Anyway, Ben came up with a fantastic idea. Pirate Santa is going to be the one visiting us on Christmas eve. Not regular old Santa. And we want to perpetuate this lie (parenting is so weird) somehow but we aren't sure how. We though maybe we could scatter a few parrot feathers on the ground or in the tree or leave the eye patch laying around somewhere... but we are not really sold on an idea yet. So I was hoping I may be able to get some help from you guys. Does anything come to mind when you think of what a Pirate Santa may leave behind when he comes to visit your house? Haha. Possibly the most redic quuestion ever. But seriously! Let me know. We need all the brain power we can to make this awesome.

Thanks friends!

Disney round two!

Last Tuesday Lilly and I got to meet our blog friend Tera. Tera works for Disney in California but was in Florida for business. Lilly and I met her at Epcot and had a wonderful day! Tera was super sick so she couldn't hang for too long but I can tell you this- if you read her blog and think she's cute in pictures- it's nothing compared to the real deal. Girl is petite! I had to ignore my usual "I'm a giant!" thoughts. ha. 

Lilly and I spent a while at Epcot where she saw Nemo, Alice and Winnie the Pooh. We also listened to an awesome band that played classic British rock and roll while in "The UK" in Epcot. Lilly was terrified at first (loud music) but mommy loved it. After that we went to the Magic Kingdom to see 'Punzel and Mickey. The park was all decked out for Christmas which was amazeballs. 

The whole day was a surprise to me and here is why: at one point Tera said "I have to be back at my hotel at 4pm to catch my airport bus but you all are welcome to stay as long as you'd like." As it was approximately one o'clock at this point I laughed in my head. Three plus hours alone with a toddles in a theme park. Ha. Laughable. BUT!!! Not only did we stay until four o'clock- we stayed until the Magic Kingdom kicked us out at 7pm due to a special Christmas event. I was super impressed with myself (not ashamed to say it) and was reminded that my first trimester exhaustion is outta here! w00t!

Thanks again, Tera!

The First Trimester

reused pic. i'm bad at taking belly pics.
First and foremost- the first trimester is over! Thank God! Here is a recap of my first trimester with baby number two.

Same as pregnancy with Lilly:
- exhaustion (duh)
- food aversion aka I didn't want to eat anything. 
- baby brain to the max! I think I sent a text to the wrong person at least once a day. And that is just one example.
- best nails ever. Thanks you prenatal vitamins. My usually craptacular nails have been made into super nails. They grow super fast (maybe a little too fast) and are super strong. I mean it's not hard to be stronger then my regular nails (once I bent a nail back digging through the laundry) but it's still awesome. 

New pregnancy symptoms:
- red meat! When I did want to eat I pretty much only wanted red meat. (I say that like it is past tense. It's not.) I make steaks at least once a week. Also- more cheese burgers then is acceptable. 
- NO COFFEE!!!!!! I didn't really start drinking hot coffee (cappuccino) until after Lilly was born so this wasn't an issue that time around. But I literally could not stomach coffee for the past 2 1/2 ish months. I had no desire for it and it didn't taste satisfying. It was such a bummer.
- super speeding time. I'm sure this is simply because this is my second time around but things seem to be moving at warp speed. I remember feeling like it took me forever to show with Lilly. Not the case this time. 
- excitement level. Lilly was a surprise so it took me a good four months to adjust to the fact I was pregnant. We had just moved and started new jobs so I wasn't in the most secure environment to begin with. 

food baby + real baby = big belly.
Basically I am super excited. We get to find out the sex of our new baby at my next appointment (at the end of January). I also have to decide whether I want to try for a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) or opt for another cesarean. But that is a whole different post. ;)

Hope you are well!

trimming the tree

We finally decorated our tree on Sunday. We have had it for like two weeks now so it was about time. Lilly really had fun. In fact, she thinks decorating the tree is so fun she has undone and redone the bottom half about 20 times. While we were decorating we turned on some Christmas tunes and when Lilly said, "Daddy, let's dance." the dance party began. It was a lovely night.

Mommyhood Monday // Christmas Presents

Christmas 2010

Christmas and kids. This is kinda a hot button issue with me. These days kids get a lot of crap toys for Christmas. Where do you draw the line? How much is too much? I don't really know the answer to these questions but I can tell you what we are trying to do in our home. 

Lilly usually gets one big gift (and by big I mean in size, not dollar amount) and then a few little things. Last year Ben and I (err... I mean Santa) gave her a tent and some blocks and... I CAN"T EVEN REMEMBER! That kinda proves my point though doesn't it? I can't even remember what we gave her that isn't pictured. She also received Christmas presents from her grandmas and aunts and uncles so she still had more then enough when all was said and done. I guess what my point is (since I haven't really stated it) is that as parents we should teach our kids that their are more important things this time of year then getting the newest toy. If we always get them the latest and greatest (and lots of other stuff too) aren't we setting them up to become greedy and/or materialistic? In the end gifts are fun but they aren't really important (I mean, sometimes we can't even remember what they were). Instead I hope to teach Lilly things like generosity, the importance of family and tradition, and what real joy is like. 

I certainly don't have it all figured out. She may be too young this year to grasp concepts like generosity but by setting a standard she will grow to understand when she gets older. My prayer for Lilly at Christmas time is that, in the new year, she will have a renewed spirit and joy. That she will be even more in love with her family and that she will understand that real and lasting happiness comes from the ones you love and not from what is under the Christmas tree.