Mommyhood Monday // Pregnancy Story part 1

So, I've wanted to share my experience with pregnancy, birth and motherhood and have had so much fun writing about it that I hope to turn it into a series. Looking back over the past can be very therapeutic! I am going to do my pregnancy story with Lilly in two or three parts (depending on how long winded I get). So here we go!

ps- I think the one of the biggest lessons I learned from looking back over my first pregnancy is that if you don't like your attitude or how people perceive it then change it! Am I say to change who you are or to become someone else? Maybe. I know my guilt and insecurity really affected my pregnancy experience and I wish I had been strong enough to say "You know what? Maybe I'm uncomfortable now but get over it! This is an amazing thing that is happening! Share and enjoy it!"

2 months pregnant

My Lilly was a surprise. I mean obviously my husband and I knew what we were doing and that a baby could happen we just didn't expect it at the time. I remember looking down at the 8ish pregnancy tests and feeling shock. At times I felt like I was too young to be pregnant which was silly because I was 23 and had been married for three years. (Yikes! When I hear about 20 year olds getting married now I automatically think "What are they doing?!?! They are too young to get married!" hypocrite much?) It took me a long time to get used to the idea that I was pregnant. I felt like it was such an intimate experience that I HAD to share. You can only keep a pregnancy private for so long, you know?

Because I was having trouble getting used to being pregnant and the attention that comes along with it people assumed I was not happy to be having a baby. That made me sad because I didn't feel that way at all. It was such a strange mix of emotions that I still can't really explain it. I think part of it was that I had just moved back to Florida and that I didn't have any married friends and certainly didn't have any pregnant/mama friends. I also had the worst work situation I've ever experienced going on at the time. Put all that together and I felt alone/cried a lot. I had guilt due to the face that I was supposed to be shouting my happy news from the roof tops! Looking back I wish I had just cut myself a break. Not all pregnancies, mommies or babies are the same and that's ok! In fact, it is the way God intended it!  And I bet if I cut myself a break and didn't romanticize that guilt then getting rid of it would have been much easier.

Around the 6th month (I think) my attitude started to change. I became more comfortable and excited. We had found out we were having a little girl, we picked out a name. I bought clothes that actually fit (it sounds shallow but it does wonders for the self esteem). I started decorating the nursery and researching different birth plans. I'm the kind of person who enjoys a physical challenge so the idea of a natural/drug free child birth was exciting for me. But God had a different plan for me.

When I was about 8 months along I started having contractions. I chalked it up to braxton hicks but became a little weary when they became a regular, almost daily occurrence. I finally called my doctor after working a closing shift and getting them every 5 to 7 minutes for 3+ hours. He told me to go to the hospital. They had explained that patients are called back based on the severity of their situation not the order of arrival so I expected to sit in triage for several hours, go back to a room and be sent home pretty quickly diagnosed with braxton hicks. Here's what really happened. I waited about 15 minutes (starting to worry) was put into a room and hooked up to monitors (a little more worried) was told they were real contractions even though they did a test that showed I wasn't in real labor (what does that even mean? even more worried). I stayed in the hospital for a few hours while they gave me intravenous fluids then shots and pills to stop the contractions. Something was definitely up. I was sent home with instructions to take off work and rest until I could go see my doctor. I wish I had asked more questions but due to my high freak out capacity I think my brain had mostly shut down.

Unfortunately my doctor did not tell me everything was ok at my next appointment but I'll save that part for next week. 

 ♥