Last week was not so great in the mommyhood department. Lillian has been flexing her ever growing independence muscles and my resilience has been slowly but surely wearing down. Well, on Thursday last it happened. I really lost my temper. I have been very close to losing my temper with Lillian before but it has always been at home so I can excuse myself to another room and calm down (pillow punch). But this time we were in the car. We were so close to home... here is what happened:
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| the calm before the storm. |
We were headed home from the gym and Lillian asked (and asked and asked and asked) for some apple juice. I wanted to get some coffee also so I thought about stopping to get something. I went back and forth about whether to go to Starbucks or not. My budget conscious guilt was flaring up so I decided I could make coffee at home and that Lilly could have juice from home as well. When we were almost home (and Lilly was screaming and crying "No home! Apple juice!") I remembered that we had two redbox movies that had to be returned. I changed my plan. I could stop at home, get the redbox movies and drop them off at 7-eleven where we could go inside and get a more cost friendly frappuccino and juice box. Perfect! I got the movies, we went to 7-eleven and I opened Lilly's door to get her out. I started digging in the diaper bag first to get my wallet when it hit me. My wallet wasn't in there. I took it out yesterday for something and didn't put it back. Blerg. As you can probably imagine, Lilly didn't take to kindly to me not unstrapping her after I had promised apple juice and then closing her in the car. To make matters worse we had to drive past a chick-fil-a (another place that Lilly is used to getting juice boxes from) to get home. Lilly was throwing an almighty fit. I wanted to get her apple juice (and myself coffee). That was the worst part. She is old enough to understand when I say "Yes, apple juice." but not "I forgot my wallet, I can't get it for you but I wish I could." After trying to calm her down and telling her that she could have some apple juice at home it happened. I slammed my clenched fist into the center console in the car and yelled "ENOUGH! NO MORE CRYING!" ugh. She was silent for a minute then we both starting crying. I felt like a complete parental failure.
When we got home I gave Lilly a juice box and put Barney on. I made myself some chocolate milk and had a much needed break. Thankfully Ben had the weekend off too so he spent a lot of time playing with our little love. I had lots of free time and even had some girl time which I am so grateful for. I think sometimes, as a parent (or just a person in general), we need to step back and take a break. Take a bubble bath or a nap. Have a warm cup of coffee or a cool mug of chocolate milk. And always remember this.
I am praying for a better week this week and cherishing the sweet bits in between the toddles moments. Remembering above all that He will never give me more then I can handle.
♥
ps- Do you have a good mommyhood story or piece of advice? Email me at the.prairie.hen[at]gmail[dot]com and be featured on Mommyhood Monday.
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